Somewhere in the back of my head I was expecting to see the scene in the movie Vegas Vacation when Clark and Cousin Eddie go to the Indian casino and play “Penny, Penny, Who’s Got the Penny.” It was close but not too bad. I say close because we decided to play craps. I’m still not sure what that was about. In California you cannot use dice in the casinos so you play craps with cards and you call out numbers. I’m sure you can look it up on Wikipedia but, seriously, it was a joke.

The morning came early and so did the heat. Looking out the hotel room I noticed that a thunderstorm had passed through during the night. Now if I liked humidity I say this was a godsend. I don’t like humidity. 6:30am as we headed towards the tournament check-in I was already sweaty and hot. You could feel the water evaporating off of the grass and pavement. Sam and I hit the driving range to try to get 6 months of practice worth in about 30 minutes. Soon enough we were warmed and ready to go.

It was a shotgun start so at 7:30am all 94 participants were loaded up in their carts and began their way to their individual holes they would be start on. We were paired up with another twosome, George and Ron. They were friends of a friend of Jeff Shepherd, one of the guys I work with. Our hole was Number 16, a longish par 3 over water. Not the best to start off with. Being true to form I knocked my ball directly in to the water. This was going to be a long day. I was able to par a couple of the holes at which point I was ready to call it a day stop while I was ahead but with 9 more holes and the temperature ever increasing we had to continue our torture. We ended the day with a score that was hovering around the same temperature we played in. I was exhausted, thirsty, and hungry. Had a pizza and a Gatorade, and took a nap.

6pm we headed down to the tournament dinner. Now in my experience drinking, I’ve observed that there are 5 different types of drunks with variations in-between. I’ve named them accordingly:

The Quiet Drunk:
The Leprechaun Drunk: a happy drunk.
The Annoying Drunk:
The Mentally Challenged Drunk: has reverted back to a point where you feel sorry for him because he really does look like this retarded.
The Mean/Angry Drunk:

This evening I was able to see all these and trust me, it wasn’t a pretty sight. We had one guy on the microphone who was completely absent and mean as hell. Another running around tripping on chairs and knocking over tables and smiling the whole time. Retards, there were a few. And pretty much the guy at the microphone quickly enveloped 3 of the 5 types of drunks. This was the same guy I’ve heard stories about last year that stuck his hands into a fire on a $5 bet. Idiot. There were some pretty crazy stories that happened that evening but luckily Sam and I had already left to try our luck at the penny slots. You laugh but the funny thing is I think I won $80 on the penny slots.

The next day at the tournament did not seem as bad. It was hot but the humidity was down. I felt I played a little better this but the funny thing was that I scored one stroke worse. It’s all good.

No matter how hot it was, over all, we had a good time. I guess I’d be happy playing golf in lava and still have a good time, well, maybe not, I think my legs would melt and I’d end up a stump like Darth Vader. Does Darth Vader play golf?

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